Vision

i've been accused of sounding sad, that made me sad. i don't intend to come across negative and i don't usually percieve things in a negative light either, i guess it's just when i do that i decide to write. So today i am making an effort to write about something positive, something that's been making me very happy recently.

I've mentioned briefly in previous blogs about my new band, so far unnamed, though we have a few idea's, I just wanted to give a little tesitmony that explains a bit about why it means so much to me.

Growing up I was always a huge football fan, so it was a little bit of a strange turn when music started taking over as my first priority, but as strange a transition as it was it was a quick one and soon instead of collecting football shirts it was my CD collection that was fast growing. All sorts of different music found it's way in and a lot of it was very unhealthy and it was changing me. The swearing would enter my vocab, the anger would influence me to share desires for revenge and the sexual references would turn my mind to less than pure matters. My relationship with G-d became an inconvenience forcing me to do what I didn't want to do and let go of what I wanted to hold on too. Subsequently our times together became rare and my life became a tragic rebellion. Despite it all G-d kept calling me, calling me to do what I least wanted to do, let go of this music that was destroying me and turn to Him. Eventually after much destruction and realisation I reluctantly let go. Many CD's were taken from the rack and thrown in the bin. What was left was a DC Talk CD, a Delirious CD and a few others that I didn't really care much to listen too. This was the first point at which I knew that me and music was a pair G-d had chosen to match together. Probably less than a week later I was speaking to my friend Will. He started telling me about people playing really heavy music and doing it for G-d, this seemed a very strange idea to me and I was really interested to hear, having no idea of the huge change it was going to bring into my life. From the moment I heard I was hooked and bands of all sorts of different great music being played for G-d started to build up my new CD collection. Just like the music I was listening to before it was influencing the way I lived, thought and felt, but this time for the good. What followed was a very hard year, a relationship I was in fell apart, my parents split up, I started to fall into strong feelings of sadness and lost a lot of self confidence. It was a real testing time and this music took me through the whole way, helping me discover who I was, helping me grow and continually pointing me towards G-d. One band in particular that became particuarly meaningful to me was mewithoutYou and when I found out they were coming to the UK i had to see them, I had to meet Aaron (Vocals). So I did, I went to the show, I found Aaron and stood outside the venue talking to him for like 2 long and beautiful hours. He said so much but there was some words in particular that stuck with me. I told him how much his words had meant to me and helped me and he said to know that his lyrics, that his experiences had helped one person made all the pain he'd felt worth it and every word he wrote worth it, what a beautiful thing to say, I was almos in tears, though I fought to keep it together. It was in that moment that I knew what I was called to do, who I was called to be. I wanted to be standing there in the future and be able to say those words Aaron said to me to someone else. From this moment music was my calling. I started learning, playing, listening and writing. Badly, but slowly improving, hopefully. I started praying for people to share the vision, and I had bands, at times "christian" bands but the vision in some way was always compromised. The last year I've spent without a band, just trying to write, just trying to practice and desprately praying for someone to write, practice and play with. A prayer G-d waited along time to answer, but know through St.Nics I have met and indeed found Mike and Lucas, two great guys, great friends and great musicians. Two people who share the vision, who share a love for music and a love for G-d. We are still waiting on a drummer but we've started writing, practicing and praying together and it's been an amazing experience so far. I can't wait to see what G-d does next and I just pray our music can glorify Him and help others get closer to Him.
Peace be with you.
Joshua