Your ways are not our ways.

This is the first writing of any sort i've done in a few days, which is strange for me. i try to make a daily habit of writing in my journal and i try to spend time with G-d and a notepad to write down what He says but a spell of very bad flu has left me with nothing to do but lay in my bed and hope for it to pass, even writing was to much. Yesterday morning when it was at it's worst i was trying to send a friend a text and had to give up because lifting my arm and using my fingers was far too much work. i have never in my life felt as weak as i did then! i got angry, the idea of this weekend away was to pray, get closer to G-d, let go of those things in my life i hold back from Him and i just ended up feeling extremely ill. The negative thoughts about myself that i try so hard each day to reject came on strong and i didn't have the energy to stop them, i was a mess, both inside and outside. i even said to G-d about the band "send someone else, it's such a good vision and you need a better man than me". i then started to cry everytime those words came back in to my mind, i haden't cried in a long time so that was strange. Then Dario, one of the 3 Germans i've been sharing a flat this weekend and have become good friends with prayed for me. Not long after i finnally fell asleep and woke up feeling better (i even had the energy to pick up my phone from where it had been discarded and finish the text). G-d pointed me back to a bible verse i'd been reading the day before. It said "In your weakness I am strong"
i remember now that i prayed "G-d make me so weak that only You can be my strength." A dangerous prayer that He took very literally.
It was only when i was prayed for that my strength started to return, it was only Him who drove out those negative thoughts from my mind. i woke up feeling positive and only He could of done that. And as for the prayer about the band well my friend Laura said "The fact that it hurts to say give my vision to someone else shows it's yours." G-d has given me this vision and i may not be the best musician or the strongest leader, but in my weakness He is strong.
i'm so good at trying to do everything in my own strength and i'm also very good at failing, even this weekend i came to Leeds with many idea's of how to get closer to G-d, how foolish, He had a better plan.
Anyway i'm still recovering slowly so i'm going to go rest.
i've been typing this on a german laptop and the keyboard's very different, so i apolagise if there's any funny symbols or z's where y's should be.
Peace.