G-d is love, G-d is hope, but i'm also convinced He has a sense of humour and it's often the words we speak without thought or reverance that He holds us to and later reminds us of when we ask Him quite what He thinks He's doing.
i don't think i'll ever understand His plans, they are far beyond me but right now i have an idea and i don't like it.

i am not loving, i am not selfless, i am not kind, Godly or anything like it, sometimes i'm scared i'll become too good at pretending i am. G-d i'm a sinner, but won't You take my life, take my pride and make me more like You and won't you let the world see it's You and not me.

i had a scare the other day, a reality check. The two big things G-d has laid on my heart. One, the lost, those who are searching for Him, or searching for something not knowing it's Him. Two, the church and all it's flaws right now, this constant need we feel in Britian to pretend we're perfect and have all the answers. i stand before G-d and in my arrogance say "i think you're there but i'm not reallys sure, and i am a sinner and i'm sorry but if you could just make sure no one knows that would be great. By the way i'd like to help the lost and those people in church who pretend to be better than they are make me angry so i'd like to do something about that too." It doesn't quite figure does it? Yet still G-d in His grace says ok, and when the oppurtunities arrive, as was evident the other day, i freak out majorly and cry out to G-d "i can't do this". i don't know how He has the patience for me, but He's G-d i don't understand most of what He does and i take comfort in that.

G-d is good and the sacrifices i make for Him aren't really sacrifices atall. i have seen so many of His promises fullfilled recently and i'm excited about what He's going to do next. G-d is good.
Peace