Leader? Me?

Life's been such a rush recently, I've been so busy and literally ran most places I've gone. Thoughts don't have time to develop and subsequently my mind's been a bit of a mess. I miss walking, I miss walking for the sake of walking, I miss sitting and listening or talking, I miss being able to just sit and be where I am. G-d I ask it so much but please teach me contentment. I hate that it's been so long since I've written, there's been incoherent notes scribbled in notebooks but not much more.
I need to listen, remember that this life doesn't matter. I need more time and that may have to come through some tough choices, but G-d is always good and so is life at the moment.
I've been doing better recently, I need to get better at giving thoughts up to G-d and often in the busyness I feel like I'm trying to chase them away, in vain of course, but things have been better.

Some years back now I had a good friend who told me that I always had a shine in my face, something tiredness couldn't take away, or stress or anything, a brightness in my eyes. That went, I was even told it went but I didn't have to be, I knew.
I just got so consumed by things that never mattered and placed hopes in things that would only lead to dissapointment, I started to drown. But oh the lessons I learned, the things He taught me through that journey and most of all, what most beautifully proclaims His grace, how He pulled me out. I turned my back on Him, I dived in to a sea of hopelessness when He offered me everything and He still dived in after me. What mystery is this? What love!
At band practice on tuesday Mike said I seemed better, He said there was a brightness about me, that I smiled bigger, oh thank you G-d, let that joy stay and let it bless every person I encounter, let my life tell the tale of Your grace and let me live in this chance You've given me.

Am I leader? I mess up so much, make so many mistakes. I'm reading a book on leadership at the moment, it says that leading is influence. Tonight I spent a long time reading friends blogs, I love how so many of my friends have started writing them and I realised, I was the first. Well I wasn't I copied someone else, then someone copied me and someone copied them and it just spread and now they're all writing beautiful words about what G-d's doing in their life, the lessons He's teaching them. The other thing this book said is that we all lead and we all are lead. G-d let me lead people closer to You and let me be lead by those who are walking towards You.
I'm excited, there's more happening here then my words can express. G-d has a wonderful plan for my life and those around me, it's a joy to be part of.

I'm recording with the band on monday, I can't wait, I've longed to be back in a studio for so long and no worries or thoughts are going to spoil it, I'm going to enjoy every minute and I'm going to give every minute to G-d. I want to live my life like that.
Shalom