I'm currently listening to Kevin Devine, his music makes me sad, it's beautiful and not particuarly dark but my mind attatches thoughts and memorys to it that bring me down. But here I am listening so obviously a part of me wants to relive those memories, or do I like this sadness, maybe I take comfort in it or maybe the music's so beautiful that the sadness doesn't matter. Aaron Weiss wrote a song titled "The cure for the pain is in the pain" maybe that's the answer, maybe I'm letting myself drop down here in search of an answer to why I'm so susceptible to fall like this, or that I identify with the songs and feel I can express myself throug them, thus letting go of the sadness, hopefully. I think they're all right.
Anyway I got distracted I started writing this to further explore and explain the thoughts I was having and writing in here yesterday. After I signed out my mind ran wild with theory's ideas and some of what I thought to be truths. I started to see some clarity, or at least a light that was shining in it's general direction.
I got to thinking about a conversation I had with my friend Laura the other day. We were talking about gifts and what we thought ours were. I was saying about how I often try to look deep inside myself and explain every negative feeling that intrudes, tracing it back to the heart and identifying a problem there, I guess there's where it comes to the healing process and G-d has to take over there. She said she thought this was a gift and one that can be used to help other people. This explains to me why I write this and why I hope people will read it. This gives an insight in to that very process that goes on in my mind and maybe as I try to understand myself more I can help people understand theirselves too. Paul talks about not boasting in anything but Christ, I will boast in Christ and I will take pride in Him. I will express and use without shame the gifts he has given me (wether that be writing, thinking, music or anything else,) and hope that he blesses them and that they glorify Him. It would fill my heart with joy to see you do the same. G-d has given us a variety of gifts to use to worship Him and share Him with others, if we all started doing this what a beautiful picture it would paint, wont you join me on this canvas.
I think I might post a link to this blog on facebook. The mist is clearing and I'm starting to see who G-d's made me to be and I'm so grateful to be this person. G-d's an amazing artist.
I was just talking to my mum about my brother and how he has so much musical talent and yet seems to squander it with lack of passion or desire to do anything with it. If I only had such talent, oh the things I would love to do with it. When I was a child I never took the time to learn an instrument as I was obsessed with football, seriously it was my whole life. Now I regret that and wish I had took the time to learn and get good at guitar, piano, music theory and anything else that can lead to making creative sounds. Then I thought, "Less yesterday, more today" (Thanks Kevin) It's time to start working, start practicing and start getting good, and all for His glory.
Peace be with you friends.
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