I am selfish!

I am selfish, these words keep running through my mind, frightening me with their truth. I was reading a book today that asked me to think about somoene who I really admire and who's really inspired me. I chose to bring to mind a man named Aaron Weiss, he's been a huge influence for me and displays so much of what I want to be, so much of Jesus basically. It then asked me to think about which one character I most admire about him/her (in this case him), interestingly I chose his selflesness. So why does this quality evade me so? partly, possibly because of my high self standards and the harshness I inflict upon myself as I constantly fail to meet these, but even these standards I have surely stand to prove how self consumed I am. G-d take my eyes from me and fix them upon you.
It seems that I get little space to breathe these days, those long walks where I'd just talk to G-d, those 4am stay ups where I'd enjoy the quiet and the peace of night and just chat to Him, why doesn't it happen anymore? A full time job is restricting for sure, but nothing should take the place of G-d, ever! More than that I want to serve G-d, really serve Him, giving up everything, going to the lowly and accepting them as Jesus did, loving them selflessly like I see with such admiration. Jesus teach me, shape me, lead me and use me.
Amen