Fruition

There's a group of old men behind me recounting stories from their youth, there's something beautiful about hearing them and in a small way, listening in I can share the joy they're obvisouly feeling as they reminisce.
I wonder when I'm an old man sitting and chatting with my friends, what will be the stories I tell? What will be the best and most memorable days of my life? Will they be happy stories I tell with contentment or will I speak regretfully or longingly? My days are short here and though I don't want to live for this life I want to make the most of it and I'm not sure if I can do that here.
Recently I've not been able to shake the thought of leaving, at times I just want to stand up walk out the door, get on a train, go wherever. I spent the weekend in Leeds and I didn't want to come home, now I am home I want to be back there, or anywhere.
It's not that I don't love this place, or these people. I have the best friends, I really do, I just want to escape. I guess I'm only trying to escape myself, it would be a new place but the same feelings, I'd still put myself down. The fact is I don't enjoy all I have here because I perpetually isolate myself, I tell myself I don't belong here because all I have here is amazing and I don't deserve it. I am blessed and I don't need a new life to start living in that. I have a purpose here and I can walk in that. I don't need a new life, I just need to live the one I have.
Speaking of purpose, I'm so excited about the band right now. I keep expecting something to go wrong, for it to fall apart, it can't be this right...can it? I guess it can, and only because G-d made it so. We hit struggles but they only seem to make us grow. I have this perception toward my life where I just expect everything to go wrong, but if I'm walking in G-d's will all works for His glory. Whether it goes to my plan or not really doesn't matter, it's about G-d's plan and the more I seek His plan, the more I see of it, the more right it all seems. G-d is good, sometimes suprising, often unpredictable, but always good.
I have new song ideas going round my head, hopefully they'll have the opportunity to come into fruition soon.