A more positive approach

I've been thinking a lot since last nights entry and I wanted to try a more positive approach.
I think when there's something you want to accomplish and you see others doing it while you're left behind it seems there's only 2 reactions to this. Either give up or catch up, but in truth there's a 3rd. I think this one makes more sense and that's to just keep going, at your own pace. I want to write beautiful music but those who make it once also spent ages playing boring exercises and fiddling around with 3 chord songs and they couldn't get to where they did if they got impatient and skipped that part.
I wish I could finish my book but I just read that Stephen Christians took him 3 years to do. Mine will never be as good as his but I will take as long as possible to make sure it's the best I can do.
And as for the band, well that one's out of my control but it's in G-ds hands and I trust Him.
I can't force myself to feel patient but I can try and think patiently.
Peace

Future and Music

Something dangerous and easy to do when you believe there's a G-d is load off all your responsiblility for decisions on Him. I often find myself waiting and hoping for a sign to tell me where to go next or what to do next when infact you just need to take a chance and see what happens otherwise you could be endlessly waiting.
I've had this feeling with me over the last few years like I need to step out, leave, make a change, jump or something but I never know how to act on it. Like I'm waiting for something to happen but when it comes down to me making it happen I don't know what it is so I'm stuck, feeling almost trapped.

I especially feel this with music, It's like I'm waiting for the right band members to come along but there's no one, how can you start a band when there's no one round to start it with, there's nothing I can do to make it happen because I can't find people who don't exist but I have this constant feeling like I need too.

I'm tired of this feeling, I'm tired of this place and I'm tired of waiting.

People

I remember listening to a live show of David Bazans once. He often has a Q&A session and someone posed quite an interesting question to him, well at least provoked an interesting answer from him.
The question was "What do you like to write about?" His answer "People." Short, simple and in a way beautifuly profound, atleast in a way that I can relate to it is. I too love to write about people, they just fascinate me, I love meeting them, watching them, trying to understand them and again writing about them. When I admit to people that I'm attempting to write a book they usually respond by asking what it's about. The simplest answer always seems to be just like David put it "people".
I'm currently sitting in my room in the dark, perched on the windowsill, the window's open and the laptop is appropiately sat on my lap. I often turn the light off when I'm on my own, unless of course I need to be able to see, it just seems to make sense. It seems to add the right mood, the right atmosphere, maybe because people add so much of the light that's in my life and without them around the darkness feels like home. I don't mean that in a depressive or morbid way, just an observant one.
Stephen Christian in his book/monologue "The orphaned anythings" talking as the character Ayden speaks about the different people that have influenced his life over the years and how, the different things they taught him and I guess I've been doing the same.
These are my thoughts.
It would be wrong not to start with family as they've just always been around.

So.....

My mother taught me how to care for others before myself.
My Dad taught me how to be an individual and live your own way, not the way everyone else tells you to.
My older sister taught me how to be a friend to others.
My big bro taught me how to stand up for myself and not be ashamed of who I am.
My little sister taught me how to keep smiling even when you feel you have no reason too.

My oldest friend Nick taught me how to hold on to those you hold dear.
Lydia taught me how to do what's right no matter what the cost.
Aaron taught me how to love.
My friend Tim taught me how to turn everything in to a Joke.
Will taught me how to love music.
Nathan taught me how to play music with passion.
Tom taught me how to express and let go of feelings.
Lynzy taught me how to feel
and Mike taught me where to go when it all hurts too much.

These people have been my closest friends over the years and I'm pretty sure I could put alot more names in there. Now with new friends at church and college I'm looking forward to adding to that list and maybe I have something myself to teach to others.

We need each other, today(or tomorrow or any day after) be a friend to someone, teach someone something, learn something from someone or at least give a friend a call and have a nice chat and a good laugh.

G-d taught me every truth I know.

Peace
J

P.S Don't you love those random people you know and talk to throughout your week. There's a guy called Steve I always see on the bus and talk mainly sports with, he used to work in the mines before he retired and has fascinating storys about his son. There's another guy I always see walking his dog who takes such an interest in what I'm doing and tells me to keep studying hard because it will pay off later, I'm blessed to have that frequent encouragement in my life becuase of his selflessness in taking the time to encourage someone else.

Let's encourage.

It's been a while

There's still quite a lot of snow on the ground outside, it's slowly melting away but right now a white sheet still covers the grass outside the window. Snow makes everything look pure, no matter what was there before, it doesn't matter, everything looks the same now, white, pure and beautiful.
Maybe that's a bit of a lame way to make the point but i've thinking recently about how G-d can wash us all white and pure again. i went away this weekend with some friends from st nics, it was a wonderful time, hanging out with friends, recieving encouragement and being able to give it too, no matter who we were, who we'd been, what we'd done, we'd all come together for this one purpose, to worship G-d, that felt good. The past has happened, somethings I've learned, somethings G-d's forgiven me for, now to look to the future. You see that's what I want for the future, like this weekend, different types of people, different, gifts, encouraging each other, come together for one purpose, oh please Lord, it would mean so much to have people like that to make music with!
When i finish college i think I'm gonna move to notts, get a flat with a few friends, buy some studio equipment, write and record. That's the next step i think, let's see how it goes.
I just wanted to share some thoughts, it's been a while.
peace.

i could be so

Find the girl with beauty far greater than she could ever realise and she doesn't.
Whatever evil has dragged her out here is the reason she's left her guard down. she'll let you in tonight and you wont have to sleep alone.
When you turn the music up real loud, people only speak when they have something to say, small talk is for small minds and mine is full of ever widening despair with thoughts of you exposed.
This is not my home but i'll make the most of it while i'm here, if you don't smile they pry deeper and my mind is full of ever widening despair with thoughts of me.....alone,
but this is not about me, it's about who i could be.

hope is but a fading dream part 2

With the last year quickly gone, time was fast moving on and no matter how hard i tried, it was leaving me behind.
she had circles in her eyes, so i drew between the lines, put her ambitions down to rest, each day she loved me less and less.
i took a flower from the field rubbed it in my wounds till they healed and though it smelt so sweet, we were a step closer to defeat.
i watched you turn, i watched you sway as the wind carried you away, i'd been holding on so tight, now you're gone i feel so light. So much noise so much quiet, like a library and a riot, mix the two in to one, that how i feel now you're gone.
Another day waiting for your call, but i hear nothing atall, wasting time on distant hope is the only way i cope.

empty rooms

It feels so strange to walk around this house now, and see those empty rooms so full of memorys.
The living room where we'd chill, and the laughter would take us deep in to the night, the dining room where we'd push back the chairs and turn up the amps till the neighbours were knocking on the door. It seems like now all we ever do is drink and try to convince ourselves nothing ever changed.
When you are lucky enough to be so blesed you don't truly believe it could ever end, all we have now is our nostalgic remarks.... "whatever happened to those times?"
When we were young our stupid little dreams meant everything to us, now our dreams have grown old, we've taken different paths and drifted apart. This house is my past now and i'm leaving it behind, that doesn't mean i'm not grateful for those times, but with my life packed in boxes and and set upon a new path, maybe like the eagles my youth can be renewed.